Outing Hollywood's Closet Conservatives

By:  Rachel Marsden

How many conservative stars are hiding in the closets across Hollywood?  The question came to mind when I saw a web video of Rolling Stone magazine’s Peter Travers talking to “Juno” writer, Diablo Cody.  At the end of the interview, Travers gives the Academy Award winner a gift of a t-shirt featuring Barack Obama:  “Everybody gets a Rolling Stone Obama shirt,” he says.  The talented 30-something writer of two major films and an Emmy winning television show she co-produces with Steven Spielberg accepted the gift graciously before adding, “You know, I voted for McCain but…”

I think it’s probably safe to assume that when George W. Bush was president, Rolling Stone wasn’t giving its celebrity guests Bush t-shirts.  The move suggests that Travers didn’t even think twice in concluding that anyone who’s as successful in Hollywood as Diablo Cody must automatically be a member of the Obama cult or, at the very least, the Church of Unquestioning Leftism.  It’s not very often that someone of an alternative political mindset slips through the cracks.

Cody didn’t come out and say that she’s a right-winger -- just that she didn’t vote for Obama, which is sacrilegious enough in Hollywood.  At the very least, we can assume that Cody is an independent thinker -- a conclusion supported by a statement she made in the interview that Hollywood churns out “over-coached young actors who do not express their own beliefs anymore.”

Gay-oriented magazines and writers often “out” celebrities who haven’t themselves expressed a sexual orientation.  Circumstantial evidence driven by a desire for the gay people doing the outings to inflate their ranks will do.

As a right-winger, I would like to see more people who think like me in Hollywood.  I don’t see enough of them self-identifying -- at least not at the rate I would prefer.  So I’m going to do what the gays do and “out” a bunch of celebrities as right-wingers, based strictly on a few observations, a strong gut-feeling, and an obvious agenda.  I’m not saying I’m right – rather, I’m just sayin’.  I “out”; you decide.  If my outings don’t stick, then history will out them eventually when a future generation finds this column in a Google search and takes it as gospel -- like the gays did with Abraham Lincoln 100 years after his death.

David and Victoria Beckham:  I’m thinking these two have to be conservative, because being a leftist would be too much of a hassle.  Between his soccer and her various business ventures, they burn enough jet fuel to destroy several planets.  She’s the self-made daughter of an entrepreneur who calls herself the “squarest woman in Hollywood”; he’s the self-made son of working class parents.  Too busy and successful to use political causes as either a career crutch or to kiss-up.

Angelina Jolie:  She’s probably more of a classical liberal in the style of her famous father, Jon Voight, but I’m just going to go ahead and put her in the conservative column because nuance doesn’t serve my purpose.  She’s independent, blunt, intelligent, and reportedly teaches her kids the value of capitalism by making them do chores to earn their treats.  Proven dedication to humanitarianism, but sticks to discussing issues rather than partisan attacks.  I read somewhere that she reportedly berated Brad Pitt for mindlessly backing Obama.

Simon Cowell:  The American Idol judge and entertainment entrepreneur is too blunt and smart to be a liberal.  No human being can be that adept at eradicating nonsense – Occam’s Razor personified -- and also be a leftist.  Moved back in with mom and dad twenty years ago at age 30, debt-ridden after a failed business venture.  Found a way out of it without relying on the state.  Now lives in a $22 million Los Angeles home.  

Gisele Bundchen:  The world’s highest paid supermodel and one-woman cottage industry hasn’t been shy about expressing her family values and strong personal morals.  Speaks more about her Catholic faith than any adherence to the Church of Environmentalism – which is pretty astounding given that she dated one of its bishops, Leo DiCaprio.  

Keith Urban:  The country music star was asked in a 2006 interview if he was liberal or conservative.  His response:  “I wouldn’t think I’m conservative.”  Well, he didn’t say he was a liberal -- so good enough.

So there you have it.  The latest batch of suspected Hollywood right-wingers, outed for my ideological gratification.  Not to say that these people definitely are conservative, but it’s now their job to deny it.