Chilling The French Whine

By:  Rachel Marsden

NEW YORK -- As new French President Nicolas Sarkozy took office, Islamic terrorists reportedly threatened a "fierce battle at the heart of Sarkozy's capital." Finally, a sign that France is on the right track.

Sarkozy says he won't tolerate Muslims "killing sheep in their bathtubs" and having a bunch of wives -- a ballsy position when your country hosts Europe's largest Muslim population.

For all the criticism leveled at France, 53% of the country had enough sense to vote for this guy. Being part French, that makes me damn proud.

Still, when I was a panelist on an American TV show this week, it became another anti-French gang bang.

Yes, I'm aware that they lasted less time against the Germans than Rosie O'Donnell does between breakfast and lunch, but the Second World War was over 50 years ago.

France finally has the leader that it desperately needs -- and this conservative revolutionary deserves our support.

Sarkozy made Socialist Bernard Kouchner the new foreign minister. Smart move, since he was one of about three people in the whole country in favour of ousting arms-for-oil buddy, Saddam Hussein, by military force--and therefore one of the few qualified for the job.

As Canada's socialist Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau proved during Quebec's FLQ crisis, when a select few of these comrades decide to go gung-ho on terrorists, they can really do damage. Almost as much as they're capable of doing to the treasury. Hide the credit cards and Kouchner will be fine.

The knee-jerk attacks on France remind me of what I still hear about Canada.

As a Canadian-born TV personality working in America, I'm often told on-air how "useless" Canada is. Canada now has a pro-American Conservative government, and soldiers fighting and dying in Afghanistan. Why would you chew out your friends when they bring dessert to your dinner party?

To help with your new talking points, here are a few good things about France:

- President Sarkozy d'Hotness is tougher on legal immigrants than Bush is on illegal ones. He realizes what a bang-up job those former French colonies in Africa did of running things when Mother France gave them the keys to the Citroen and took off. Now they want to move back in with mom, and bring their five wives with them. Fortunately, that's not how Sarko rolls. And before anyone calls him anti-immigrant or racist, remember that this son of immigrants also won an anti-racism award. Why would anyone object to him "pressure washing" their neighbourhood of "rabble" -- or doing any other chores typically modeled shirtless in a firefighter's calendar?

- President Sarkosexxxy is a man so charismatic and eloquent that he makes oral expert Bill Clinton look like Dennis Kucinich. Sarko won the election while campaigning for tougher drinking and driving laws. Cracking down on drinking -- in FRANCE.

- Sarko le Beau wants tax-free overtime. Even Ronald Reagan didn't come up with that one.

- France's Les Guignols De L'Info is one of the funniest shows on television, anywhere in the world. Comedy Central's Jon Stewart isn't even fit to carry the "jacques" straps of the French puppets on this show.

- You won't hear discussions about sex toys and boobs on French television. I'm pretty sure they know that these things exist, but they just don't have a pathological compulsion to talk about them. Although if Sarko did, I likely wouldn't object.

How about giving him a break and putting the anti-French whine on ice?