I’ll actually admit that I recently went to see the movie “Farenheit 9/11”. As a columnist and talk show host, I wanted to be able to refute Michael Moore’s latest set of convoluted conspiracy theories and desperate cheap shots. I knew that it would only be a matter of time until people were emailing and calling me and approaching me at parties, daring me to counter “the gospel according to St. Michael of Propagandaville”.
Not that I paid to see the movie, mind you. I couldn’t actually bring myself to contribute a single penny to Michael Moore’s hypocritical, limousine liberal lifestyle. It would have been against my religion: that of common decency. Instead, I donated eleven bucks to keep funny guy Ben Stiller in the manner to which he has become accustomed, pretended that I was going to see his “Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story”, and then just ducked into the theatre next door that was playing the Moore movie.
The movie contained everything I expected, given that it was directed, written and produced by Moore: clever editing; creepy extreme close-up shots of various members of the Bush administration set to ominous music; kiddies flying kites and playing on the streets in Iraq right before Dubya dropped the big one on them (at least according to Moore); a mother of an American soldier crying her eyes out throughout the movie with St. Michael himself providing her with a big shoulder to cry on; images of George W. Bush and his father shaking hands with various “weird beards”, and plastered under a running dialogue suggesting that, in some warped sort of way, these friendly handshakes must have somehow led to the horrific events of September 11th, 2001.
Of course, no piece of liberal propaganda would be complete without the accusation that Bush went to war in Iraq because of Vice-President Dick Cheney’s involvement with the oil company Halliburton—the company that ended up with contracts to operate the Iraqi oil fields. By Moore’s logic, the war was all about oil. But if that was really the case, then they’d be churning out the black gold like crazy right now. Instead, a report by AME Info in the Middle East points out that oil prices are only going to increase. According to the article, “militancy continues in Saudi Arabia, and the US has just advised its citizens to consider leaving neighboring Bahrain due to a credible terrorist threat. Even the reappearance of Saddam Hussein's face on the global media appeared to rattle oil markets, and his trial may not actually start until next year.”
So Saddam Hussein’s mere presence in court is “rattling the oil markets”? If George W. Bush was such a brilliant, evil, conspiratorial mastermind as Michael Moore figures him to be (all while apparently managing to score a perfect 100 on the Moron-o-Meter), then clearly by Moore’s logic, Bush would have had Saddam offed by now. To heck with democratic process, Dubya’s all about the oil, remember? He also would have gone in and taken care of those pesky Arabs who have been screwing with the world oil supply, in the same way that Moore shows members of the Bush administration commiserating with Saddam Hussein before they had the audacity to go in and take him out for the sole purpose of stealing his oil.
Michael Moore has every right to make propaganda films. Every war has its spinners. The Nazis had Joseph Goebbels and Leni Riefenstahl during WWII. The Taliban and Saddam Hussein have Michael Moore. But like all propaganda, there are now laws limiting it around the time of federal elections and party conventions—thanks to McCain-Feingold legislation. A group called Citizens United has filed a complaint with the Federal Elections Commission, stating that it believes “Farenheit 9/11” will soon be in violation of the campaign finance law that prohibits identification of a Presidential candidate in an advertisement within 60 days of a Presidential election or within 30 days of a political party convention.
But even if the movie does end up getting yanked before election time, Michael Moore will have a comrade-in-arms ready to keep the anti-Bush rhetoric blaring on behalf of the Bush-bashing Left. Saddam Hussein appeared in an Iraqi court earlier this week to hear a brief outline of the charges against him, the details of which will come later. Michael Moore is convinced that he’s a documentary filmmaker, and not a political propagandist—while Saddam Hussein is apparently convinced that he’s still the President of Iraq, and not a deposed dictatorial madman. Hussein announced in court: “You know that this is all a theater by Bush, the criminal, to help him with his [re-election] campaign.” Michael Moore says, well, exactly the same thing. If Hollywood can award Moore an Oscar for “Best Documentary Film”, then it looks like Saddam may have a shot at “Best Actor in a Comedic Role” by the time he’s finished on the stand. No doubt his acceptance speech would dovetail nicely into Hollywood’s biggest night of anti-Bush rants.
In response to Hussein’s remarks about Bush, White House spokesman Scott McClellan said, “I'm sure Saddam Hussein will continue to say all sorts of things.” Indeed he will. And so will Michael Moore. And what’s also likely is that the same morons who were clapping and barking like a bunch of trained seals at the end of “Farenheit 9/11” are all going to be chugging the purple Kool Aid doled out by Saddam Hussein—mass murder, rapist, dictator—during the course of his trial.
The trial will also feature the stories of women being raped; the videos and photos of dissidents being tortured, beaten and killed; the tales of teenagers who were ripped from their homes and thrown in prison indefinitely just because their parents opposed Saddam. Maybe it will take an airing of all of these things for the Moore worshipers to realize that there were a few things that their hero conveniently neglected to include in his film—all in the name of trying desperately to convince them that the man responsible for finally bringing Saddam Hussein to justice is the evil one.