Great Idea...But Really Bad Marketing

By:  Rachel Marsden

Leave it to a far-left Democrat to take a good idea and render it totally unappealing by translating it into the official leftist language of “Moonbat.”

Congressman Charlie Rangel says he wants to reintroduce his legislation mandating Americans between the ages of 18 and 42 years to perform a period of military or civilian service “in furtherance of the national defence and homeland security, and for other purposes.” It would be similar to the national service program of other democracies like Israel, Greece, Switzerland, Sweden, Germany, Turkey, Denmark and Finland.

But Rangel is having difficulty marketing his idea, given that he keeps calling it a “draft.” He may as well have O.J. Simpson as its official pitchman.

Rangel says that his “draft” would prevent politicians from getting involved in unnecessary wars — you know, those started by America for reasons of national security. (Unlike quagmires like Darfur, in which leftists seem to want to get involved purely for kicks and giggles, given that there’s no security threat.)

The more little punks I see loitering around outside the mall with their jeans down around their knees, the more I like the idea of mandatory military service. At least they’ll have learned how to tuck in a shirt, pull up their pants, and not take a full 10 minutes to get me my McDonald’s cheeseburger.

Some argue that a non-volunteer military would dilute the talent pool. This presumes that everyone would end up in a combat role. Of course, this isn’t the case. Some may have the shooting skills of Dick Cheney, while others will have recently thrown themselves out of a moving vehicle as soon as Uncle Sam called “shotgun.”

But Rangel acknowledges that people could fulfil their obligations by working in port or airport security. What a great way to increase “diversity” in non-combat positions — if only in that leftist, racist way by which diversity is always defined as being merely skin-deep.

According to the 2005 U.S. Department of Defense statistics, neither blacks nor whites are disproportionately represented in the military. However, the last several times I have gone through airport security in both Canada and the USA, there were no white people administering pat downs. The minorities shouldn’t be stuck doing all that heavy lifting (of luggage)!

Fabulous parades

But what to do about all the folks who, under Rangel’s plan, would attempt to avoid military service by conveniently bursting out of the closet when their patriotic duty came knocking? Well, someone needs to organize the military parades.

An internal document from Canada’s Department of Defence shows that they’re concerned about inadequate security for Vancouver’s 2010 Winter Olympic Games, since our troops are in Afghanistan fighting the Taliban. Looks like we could use some help babysitting all those guys in tights.

Another complaint about Rangel’s plan is that it would constitute slavery. You know, sort of like what every kid in America is forced to do until he graduates from high school. Ironically, this whining usually comes from the armchair Che Guevaras who have opted to pursue that same life, sitting at a desk and devouring books by various leftist academics whose vigorous chin-pulling has never actually brought about anyone’s freedom.

Who knows — maybe they would enjoy wielding a gun instead of a yellow highlighter, and would find the life of an “imperialist pig” considerably more productive?

Unless Rangel can translate his plan from Moonbat into English, we’ll never find out.

PUBLISHED:  TORONTO SUN (November 24/06)