The Campaign About Nothing (TM):  Obama's Really Plagiarizing Jerry Seinfeld

By:  Rachel Marsden

It's always better that candidates stick to eviscerating each other on the issues, rather than resorting to ad hominem attacks. But in the case of Barack Obama, who's running for the supposedly serious job of Leader of the Free World solely on the strength of his "winning personality" - something on which grade-schoolers can barely coast -- he's not really giving anyone much else to chew on.

Jerry Seinfeld was credited with creating a TV show about nothing. Likewise, Barack Obama really is running the campaign about nothing. Not a bad strategy, really. And one that's clearly working. It's a real challenge to fire a gun a hit a mass of hot air without looking like an idiot. And that's the challenge that both Hillary Clinton and John McCain now face.

Hillary is at least trying -- to the point where Al Gore is apparently looking to keep things civil. And if he manages, he should win another Nobel Peace Prize. This time, one that's not for "Best Fiction".

Given that Obama has nothing substantive to say about any real issues, all Clinton can do is attack what he's putting out there: words. Those words about nothing. So now we learn, from the Associated Press, that the Clinton camp has provided proof that Obama lifted speeches from Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick - someone with whom he shares strategist, David Axelrod.

A guy in an empty suit, powered by someone else's hot air. Great. JFK - a military hero who was first elected to Congress at age 30, and wasn't elected president until 14 years worth of significant legislative experience later - would probably like to reach out from the grave and slap his brother Ted and daughter Caroline for mentioning him and Obama in the same breath. JFK can even be credited with having enough backbone to not have followed the pile-on against Joe McCarthy in the 50s, and for realizing a threat when he saw it with Communist Cuba to the point of being willing to take the nation to war if necessary.

But the reality is that people who watch Oprah but don't pick up a newspaper are allowed to vote, too. And Obama is their man. Next up, John McCain will be the next person who gets to try nailing hot air to the wall.

And for those GOPers who argue that McCain - with a lifetime American Conservative Union rating in the 80s - is so "liberal" that they may as well vote for Obama (with an ACU rating of 8/100), I have one question for you: When you're on an airplane and you're told that they don't have your in-flight meal of choice, do you then say "oh, screw it, just bring me some dog food"? Because that's exactly what you're saying.

Here's a reality check on how McCain and the formidable "Candidacy About Nothing" match up, on the two most pressing issues facing the USA: terrorism and the economy.


McCain: Has said that he's willing to stay in the Mideast for as long as it takes to drain the al-Qaeda swamp. He has a problem with terrorists being subjected to frat antics, but as a former POW who barely escaped with his life from North Vietnam, can be excused for the knee-jerk reaction. Has eight major military awards, is the ranking member of the Senate Armed Services Committee, and ex officio for the Senate Intelligence Committee. Something tells me he'd probably have some idea what he's doing as Commander in Chief of US Forces.

Obama: Speaks a lot of hope, but the Iraqi people frankly wouldn't have much if it if he was in charge - because they'd still be living under Saddam Hussein. Obama brags about having voted against that mission of "hope" - despite the added bonus of Iraq having been one of more than 60 countries in which al-Qaeda was established. In fact, he's so turned off by the idea of defending democracy and freedom that one of the only real legislative efforts he's put forth is the "Iraq War De-escalation Act of 2007". Because, you know, it's not like pulling out of Afghanistan right after the late 80s combat operations against the Soviets led to the much bigger problem we have now.

President G.W. Bush's strategy has ensured that, no matter who takes office in January 2009, that person will still be commanding thousands of troops in this war's Mideast theater. I'm sure they're all thrilled at the prospect of a boss whose only real military experience consists of tinkering with G.I. Joe.


McCain: Had enough sense to support making Bush's tax cuts permanent, and isn't keen on band-aid solutions like short term cash handouts to people who really aren't paying much tax in the first place.

Obama: Wants to take your cash and give it to people with kids ("Child Tax Care Credit"), thinks that a $500 tax credit will "provide relief to self-employed small business owners" (that's one heck of a "small business"!), and give you $500 so you can keep your house and pay your mortgage. I gather this is for folks who are financing campground tents -- or in the case of Alaskans, igloos.

Frankly, the current polls pumping up the Campaign/Candidate About Nothing make me wonder if I'm stuck in the middle of a really bad reality show. One in which media folks like MSNBC's Chris Matthews actually say aloud that Obama's hot air emissions give him "a thrill going up my leg". Paging Simon Cowell...