Wacky NDP Keep The Laughs Coming

By:  Rachel Marsden

After all the bathwater chugging and finger sniffing at the NDP convention last weekend, the clowns on the certifiable left managed to squeeze in some hilarity this week.

Seeing as how I couldn’t get any tickets to Toronto Film Festival movies featuring the George W. Bush snuff fantasy or the Dixie Chicks calling him a “dumb f---,” I figured an examination of NDP propaganda would be a good entertainment substitute.

Besides wanting to pull our troops out of the fight against Taliban terrorists in Afghanistan, the NDP seems keen to throw in the towel on Quebec separatism, by endorsing the idea that the Quebec legislature can unilaterally sever the province from Canada with a simple 51% majority vote.

The only things the NDP apparently wants to fight are trans-fats and hot air caused by global warming. After Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin’s death-by-stingray last week, I’m surprised Layton didn’t call for us to put on some khaki safari shorts, float face-down in the ocean, and surrender to the stingrays. It was no doubt our fault (and Bush’s) that global warming has heated the oceans and denatured the enzymes in this otherwise peaceful creature’s brain, causing it to attack!

Even some NDP MPs seem to have had it with their own party over the troop pullout issue — namely Pat Martin and Peter Stoffer. Stoffer, whose district has a large military contingent, realizes that our men and women in the armed forces put on those uniforms for a reason.

I can see why Layton might get confused when he sees military fatigues, because it’s not uncommon for leftist leaders, like Fidel Castro or Josef Stalin, to use those outfits for casual wear. Walking the dog, catching a movie at the drive-in, browsing the supermarket — all of these activities demand combat fatigues if you’re a leftist dictator.

Here in Canada, our troops wear them because they want to use them. Perhaps Layton can look at it this way: They’re fighting for the freedom of fabulous NDP voters (and others) to cut the butt cheeks out of various uniforms and parade around in them during Pride Week.

Marking the anniversary of 9/11, Layton encouraged “efforts to bring peace and justice for us all.” While this is some nice near-cribbing of the “freedom and justice for all” line from the U.S. Pledge of Allegiance — which, incidentally, was also written by a socialist — in the real world, we can’t “all” have justice.

After those of us who don’t make a practice of blowing up office towers have administered sufficient justice to those who do, then maybe peace or freedom will actually have a chance. Superman realized that he had to “fight” for “truth, justice and the American way.” Incidentally, he also had a better Pride Week outfit than Layton.

Top priorities

On the NDP website, Layton lists “creating opportunity through education” as one of his top priorities. I can understand Layton’s plea, since fewer university students means fewer NDP voters. But it would be a lot easier for students to pay for their leftist indoctrination if his party would keep its hands out of their pockets once they ventured out into the workforce.

Layton said, in his convention speech, that he wants to “make things more affordable for working Canadians.” Okay Jack, then how about making working more affordable?

Some folks wonder why the NDP is still relevant at all. In the big tent of Canadian politics, you still need a few clowns.

PUBLISHED:  TORONTO SUN (September 15/06)