Give Terrorists An Airshow

By:  Rachel Marsden

Within hours of the Republicans losing both the House and the Senate in last week's midterm elections, President George W. Bush punted Donald Rumsfeld from his post as Secretary of Defense, possibly signaling a change in Iraq war strategy.

Bush nominated former CIA Director Robert Gates as Rumsfeld's replacement.

Gates reminds me of all the new "boyfriends" to whom this one friend of mine is always introducing me: I don't really care who he is, because chances are he won't be around for very long, anyway. With the Democrats in control of the Senate, Gates may never get confirmed.

Even if he does manage to squeak through, Gates is part of the Iraq Study Group, which, according to the L.A. Times, may recommend gradual troop withdrawal.

I don't recall seeing an unconditional terrorist surrender video, so any suggestion of troop withdrawal had better mean that it's time for the U.S. to start annihilating terrorists faster so they can wrap this whole Iraq thing up. Any other implication is unacceptable.

In this case, I suggest the Emeril "BAM! Kick it up a notch!" Lagasse military strategy.

The areas of Iraq where insurgency is still an issue need to be treated to a military airshow, featuring interactive bomb-dodging.

Let's call it the U.S. Peace Through Superior Firepower Exposition 2007.

The same type of show was a resounding success in Hiroshima and Nagasaki during World War II. Japanese Emperor Hirohito was so blown away that he realized he couldn't top the act, and settled for it being the war's grand finale.

This strategy bypasses all the handwringing over whether to shoot the enemy on the spot (as has always been a soldier's right, since the Peace of Westphalia), or allow him to complain about having to make naked pyramids in jail.

Hiroshima/Nagasaki saw a quarter-million civilian deaths. Nowadays, liberals have made war into something like a trip to the produce section of the local supermarket, where we have to paw through a pile of nectarines, separating the good ones from the rotten.

Liberals also seem to think that because the terrorists are using guns and backpack bombs as weapons, the U.S. can't break out the shiny, expensive toys.

It's the same approach they take to any kind of excellence, as demonstrated through punitive tax schemes that target successful folks, for example.

This is war -- not a game of show and tell in which we can't hurt people's feelings.

None of this is to say that Iraqis shouldn't be rewarded for good behaviour.

In insurgence-free areas, a Wal-Mart should be installed to make people's lives easier, with apparel, household appliances, and patio furniture at "rollback" prices. (Backpacks would be left off the shelves for awhile, just to be on the safe side.)

Being a Wal-Mart greeter is a way for former suicide bombers to positively redirect that lethal craving for attention. And if the Wal-Mart gets blown up, then that particular Iraqi city gets pencilled in on the airshow circuit.


PUBLISHED:  TORONTO SUN (November 13/06)