More Gore-bull From The Goracle

By:  Rachel Marsden

NEW YORK — Former U.S. Vice-President Al “The Goracle” Gore crash landed in Washington, DC, last week and spewed more hot air on the Gore-bull warming issue at a congressional hearing.

The Goracle said “the planet has a fever.” He continued: “If your baby has a fever, you go to the doctor. If the doctor says you need to intervene here, you don’t say, ‘Well, I read a science fiction novel that told me it’s not a problem.’ If the crib’s on fire, you don’t speculate that the baby is flame retardant. You take action.” He said all of this with a straight face — albeit barely.

So, ramped up rhetoric is what passes for a solid argument at an environmental hearing on Capitol Hill? If so, here’s my submission, for the purposes of a Gore cross-examination: “Al Gore could really pollute a bathroom. I’m talking some really serious damage. Just look at the guy. If someone doesn’t take away his pork ’n’ beans, he’s bound to get another one of these ‘gut feelings’ and mistake his own greenhouse gas production for science.”

Gore still hasn’t explained how squeezing countries like the U.S. and Canada through the Kyoto accord is going to reduce the planet’s “fever,” when China is going to do whatever it wants anyway.

The UK’s Daily Mail reports China is breeding Siberian tigers for the sole purpose of turning them into wine. According to the article, they think “the tiger’s strength passes into the wine as its body decomposes.”

If these people are killing off Siberian tigers to make wine, good luck on getting them to keep a running tally of their pollution.

Gore said: “The concentration of CO2 in the atmosphere up here on Capitol Hill is already 383 parts per million.” Wow. I bet he doesn’t even keep track of his daily caloric intake that closely. If only Gore would impose the same tight restrictions on his diet as he’d like to do with greenhouse gases. But it would require a lot more effort to drop a few pounds and go around promoting a national fitness program — even though obesity will no doubt kill more people than Gore-bull warming ever will.

Hanging out in Hollywood and telling fairy tales about how Mother Earth is breaking a sweat is a lot less work.

Czech President Vaclav Klaus was also asked by the U.S. congressional committee to weigh in with his opinion on the global warming debate. In response, he said, “Communism has been replaced by the threat of an ambitious environmentalism.

“No government action can stop the world and nature from changing.”

Precisely. While the Guardian newspaper reports that German scientists have just developed a pill to stop livestock from belching and farting greenhouse gases and making their 4% contribution to Gore-bull warming, other planets without cows, cars, or Halliburton — like Mars and Pluto — are apparently heating up, too. Perhaps we can send The Goracle up there to set them straight?

To stick with Klaus’ “environmentalism is the new communism” comparison, there will always be people who will refuse to accept that their ideology has failed. While Hollywood will ultimately move on to another bumper-sticker cause, some people will forever believe that the planet is going to combust from man made Gore-bull warming. They’ll be like Cold War holdouts who still think the big ol’ revolution is right around the corner, and that it’s actually cool to wear their Che Guevara T-shirts in public.